Entry 19: Aaron Hasn't "Eaten" in 10 Days

My poor brother. Aaron hasn't been able to eat/ chew food for ten days.  When he goes in for radiation, they are essentially burning his throat. Beth said he's getting third degree burns on his throat everyday, and then going in again the next day to get it burned all over again. Oh, Aaron. This is hard to think about, to type. :( This burning makes it not only excruciating to eat, but also to swallow, even to breathe. I never think about how many times I swallow over the course of a minute until I have some sort of sore throat. ("You don't know what you got" --health-- "'til it's gone.") But if you stop and think, we swallow all the time. And each time Aaron does, it hurts immensely...exponentially worse than any sore throat I've ever had.

For the last few years, Aaron and Beth have been so good about making whole foods for themselves and their kids.  I have visited their home often and watched as Beth makes her own coconut milk. I have watched her grind wheat to make protein pancakes. I have seen her juice lots and lots of vegetables. Maybe all of that was solid practice for what she is doing now for my brother.  Since Aaron can't chew, Beth is making him healthy foods he can drink. She is making him super creamy almond milk, not like what you get at the grocery store. She says each cup probably has about 150 calories in it. With all of Beth's wonderful concoctions, Aaron is getting about 2500 calories a day, which is good, but according to the doctors, still not enough.  Yesterday one of his doctors told him he really needs to think about letting them do a feeding tube for him. Aaron's response? "Absolutely not." She persisted in trying to get him to entertain the idea. He replied "maybe if I'm wasting away. But I am a 300-pound man. I do not need a feeding tube." Ha! This made me laugh. I can totally see this conversation taking place in my mind, complete with Aaron's facial expressions and tone of voice, and it makes me smile to myself:)

Aaron checked his fourth round of chemo off the list yesterday, and continues to do radiation everyday, Monday through Friday.

The pain, as mentioned earlier, is unbearable. But perhaps the hardest part is that it gets worse each day. So Aaron and his doctors are always trying to find the right balance/dosages of painkillers, where he can be somewhere in the middle of completely doped up and knocked out, and still feeling miserable. He wants to be able to function and be present with his family, but he doesn't want to take too much. Honestly right now he's afraid and concerned about becoming addicted to the painkillers, and for that he really would love and appreciate our prayers. 

Aaron and Beth cannot thank family and friends enough who have sent them their well-wishes. They have received cards, grocery store gift cards, and care packages, as well as the heartfelt messages received via text, email and facebook.  I could hear in Beth's voice how much your prayers and little acts of love  mean to them-- that they help keep them going.  This is definitely a hard trial, but your concern for their well-being and Aaron's health gives them strength to draw upon when they run out of it in their own wells. I was so touched when I found out that my Bishop and his wife were fasting for my brother a couple weeks ago. They have never met him, but they care for him. I love them so much.  I know so many of you have done so much. Beth said the people at church up there have been so incredibly good and charitable towards their family. Many people have watched the children. My aunt has made dinner. My cousin Adam just allowing them to stay in his home while he's away! Beth's dad has spent a lot of time with them helping them. He left last Tuesday for work after being there for a couple weeks, and flew back into Michigan yesterday. My Uncle Jeff picked him up while Beth and Aaron were at the hospital. So many blessings have come through the goodness of people. It means so much to them. People are so good.

Beth believes angels are with the her children, too. The kids go from one person's house they've never met to the next, and they are really doing well with it all.  

(Ahna loves Princess Anna from Frozen!) 

Beth was relieved to hear Benjamin say one day "Mom, when are we going home? I want to go home?" By "home" he meant my cousin's house. She was relieved in that she knows he feels like he has a "home" and a safe-place with his family.

Typing this post has made me cry.  I miss my brother and I hate that he's having to endure this pain. I want to go be with him. I don't know if I can. But I can't thank you all enough for all the love you have shown him and Beth. You are all so greatly appreciated!